A stag do is the groom’s pre-wedding party; a hen do is the bride’s. Americans call them bachelor and bachelorette parties. They are organised by the best man and the maid of honour respectively, and the person getting married traditionally has no say in what happens.
What they involve
The traditional form was a night out in the home town — drinks, a curry, and the groom subjected to some humiliation by his friends. That version still exists, and is generally the cheapest and best.
The modern form has expanded considerably:
- A full weekend, often in another city — Edinburgh, Bristol, Newcastle, Bournemouth and Brighton are perennial destinations.
- Abroad — Prague, Krakow, Budapest, Amsterdam, Dublin and Benidorm, chosen historically for cheap flights and cheaper drink.
- An activity — go-karting, paintball, clay pigeon shooting, an escape room, a cocktail-making class or a spa day, depending on the group.
- Costume — matching T-shirts, fancy dress, or something designed to embarrass the person getting married. Inflatable items are traditional.
The cost problem
The genuine modern difficulty. A weekend abroad with flights, accommodation, activities and drink can run to several hundred pounds per guest — and there may be two of them if both members of a couple are invited to separate parties, on top of a wedding present and the wedding itself.
This has created a real and widely discussed etiquette problem. Declining is socially awkward, saying you cannot afford it is more awkward still, and British reticence about money makes the conversation harder than it needs to be. Advice columns address it constantly, and it is a common source of genuine friction between friends.
There is a visible push back towards simpler, cheaper, local versions, which most people privately prefer anyway.
The destination cities
Several European cities became stag destinations to a degree that caused problems. Prague, Krakow and Riga all saw substantial British stag tourism in the 2000s, and several took active measures — pubs refusing groups in fancy dress, cities running campaigns, and Amsterdam launching an explicit “stay away” advertising campaign aimed at young British men in 2023.
British cities have had the same experience domestically. Some Edinburgh and Bath venues refuse large single-sex groups outright.
The word
A stag is a male deer, and a hen a female bird — a straightforward gendered pairing dating from the nineteenth century. The stag night is the older term, with hen parties becoming widespread only from the 1960s and 70s as women’s social lives changed.
“Do” is simply British for a party or event, as in a leaving do or a works do.
The timing
Modern practice is to hold them several weeks before the wedding rather than the night before, for reasons that require no explanation. Doing it the night before is now regarded as a serious tactical error, and the stories of grooms arriving at their own weddings in poor condition are told largely as cautionary tales.