A crumpet is a round, flat, spongy cake about four inches across, cooked on a griddle in a metal ring, with a smooth pale bottom and a top covered in small holes. It is toasted and eaten hot with butter, and it is one of the great British comfort foods.
Not an English muffin
The confusion is constant and worth clearing up. An English muffin is a dough, risen and cooked to a bread-like texture, cooked on both sides, and split horizontally before toasting. A crumpet is a loose batter, cooked on one side only, and toasted whole without splitting.
The textures are entirely different: a muffin is bready and chewy, a crumpet is soft, spongy and slightly wet in the middle in a way that sounds unappealing and is in fact the entire attraction.
The holes
The batter contains bicarbonate of soda as well as yeast, and as it cooks the bubbles rise and burst through the surface, setting into a honeycomb of channels. Their purpose is functional: they carry melted butter all the way down through the crumpet rather than leaving it sitting on top.
A crumpet with too few holes is regarded as a defective crumpet, and people say so.
How to eat one
Toast until the top is golden and the whole thing is hot through. Then butter it immediately and generously, while it is hot enough for the butter to disappear. The correct amount of butter is more than you think and probably more than is wise.
Beyond butter, the traditional toppings are:
- Marmite — scraped thinly over the butter. A national favourite and, as ever, divisive.
- Honey or golden syrup, which pool in the holes.
- Jam, or lemon curd.
- Melted cheese, under the grill, which is a small revelation for anyone who has not tried it.
- A poached egg on top, a recent but well-founded development.
When they are eaten
Crumpets are a cold-weather food. Sales climb sharply from October and fall away in spring, and the picture they belong to is a dark afternoon, a lamp on, a pot of tea and something on the television. They are toast’s more indulgent cousin, and the association with warmth and shelter is a large part of the appeal.
Pikelets
The regional relative, found chiefly in the Midlands, Yorkshire and Wales. A pikelet is made from the same batter but cooked without a ring, so it spreads thinner and comes out flat, irregular and lacy at the edges. The name comes from the Welsh bara pyglyd, meaning pitchy bread.
The other meaning
Be aware that “crumpet” is also dated British slang for an attractive person, as in “a bit of crumpet”. It is old-fashioned, mildly objectifying and now used almost entirely as a joke — but it is why the word occasionally raises a smile in a way the baked good does not warrant.